yesterday you won't

♥Tuesday, July 8, 2008.

ok, after crying my eyes out.
about vj.
i guess you know how it is.
ok, haha, after?
who am i kidding.
i can't fucking stop myself.
i don't know what to do.
i don't know how to tell my family
not because they'd be angry or disappointed.
but i'm just so embarrassed.
at failing at every fucking thing i try.
and i really wanted this.
why.
i fail at every single thing.
hahahaha.
in hockey.
the sec ones are better than me
who am i to judge.
i'm not in c div
not gonna be b div either.
not going to be in anything.
my parents keep asking me
'oh are you in the school team'
i'd be just like oh not yet.
when the truth is,
i never am going to be in it.
NEVER.
NOT EVER AM I GOING TO SUCCEED IN ANYTHING
NEVER.
EVER.
i really wanted to be good at hockey.
but i suck.
its never going to be better.
i hate my back.
i don't want to get used to it!
i hate it!
i just want it gone!
and everyone goes on about oh
how lucky am i
no mass run.
no pe.
but you have no idea.
what the real deal is.
its killing me.
i hate failing.
i hate disappointments.
one after another.
they just keep coming.
i hate having hopes
it just makes it hurt more.
haha, stupid as it is
i actually thought i had the slightest bit of a chance
cause i prayed for it.
so i believed.
but where the fuck is it.
i also believed that i would be good at hockey.
hahaha, why.
its not there either.
believed that how people in hockey wouldn't hate me anymore.
but nope, don't think so either.
ah, i'm just gone.
i can't type properly.
can't think.
i'm just shaking.
trying not to cry and wail
at the top of my lungs.
i just wish for a few seconds
i were the only person on earth
and i could just let it all out.
oh, i'm just rambling.
you're prolly sitting there
oh what a stupid thing.
yeah, hah, i guess so.
but i can't take it anymore.

1:07 AM

xProfile.

phoebe

LOVED BY GOD

POLKA DOTS ARE MY THANG.

11 may 94.

ex-kcpian

crescentian.

2c1.

hockey.

I WANT MY CONCH AND TRAGUS PIERCINGS!):

I WANT MCFLY TO COME TO SINGAPORE!!

and i want to go to the concerts when they come!

I WANT TO meet McFly!!! )':

I WANT TO GET TO BE WITH MCFLY FOREVER!(hahaha)

~~i want McFly's room on the third floor album!~~

~~i want McFly's wonderland album!~~

~~i want Mcfly's wonderland tour dvd!~~

~~i want McFly's motion in the ocean tour edition(cd+dvd)~~

~~i want McFly's Radio:ACTIVE album!!~~

~~i want McFly's greatest hits tour dvd!~~

~~i want McFly's official 2006 tour book!~~

~~i want McFly's greatest hits tour book!~~

~~i want 'Maximum McFly'!~~

i want McFly posters!

i want EVERYTHING MCFLY!(yep, LOTS of mcfly stuff wanted(: )

i want a balenciaga motorcycle bag!

i want a balenciaga arena hobo!

i want a hermes shoulder birkin!

i hate pbl.

i hate chinese.

i HATE my father.

i hate mushrooms.

i hate jackfruit.

I HATE MY BACK.

I LOVE POLKA DOTS!

I LOVE MCFLY!

I LOVE THE GOO GOO DOLLS!

I LOVE THE KILLERS!